Looking for universal truths in banality like gematria, I pick three unrelated things and make them the cosmic background radiation for some writing.

I only just found out the other day about the CIA’s duper secret now-declassified Heart Attack Gun©. I guess the whole public world was late with this one wit me though. Like, at least 50 years late. I wanna post this video I watched of CIA agents talking about it in a recently released video from 1975, but I don’t want to end up the youngest vegetarian in cardiac arrest. Apparently it shoots a wee dart out that causes massive myocardial infarction and leaves nothing but a little red dot on the skin. This explains why Carrot Top looks the way he does. You gotta be jacked living off a permanent heart attack like Chev Helios. I imagine if they had this technology in ’75 that they’ve got now. Maybe a ray that convinces people on social media that what you’ve said is in fact not damaging but that they are, in fact, soft. A good argument can make a lot of difference, but a convincing-ray would be invaluable.

Halloween was the other day and all I wanted, except for deliverance from my addictions, was to see the Boogeyman come back on Raw and break a clock on his face. I didn’t get either; laying in someone else’s bed at 9 at night high out my damn mind watching that Enzo vs Gallows pumpkin match wanting to cry. I wanna be a kid in 2016 because the entire world seems only interesting in targeting the 0-10 demographic, plus I could laugh and cry as much as I frequently do without anyone thinking I’m insane and still wear Osh-Kosh. Kids are insane, we just don’t bother telling them because by the time they can understand insanity 18 years of corrective education will have euthanised any non-mainstream desire. Anyone who walks around society thinking things aren’t there when they’re not looking at them must be insane, right? Antirealists aside maybe. I mean, your school teacher has to go out on the weekend and get fucked up a bit just to teach you arithmetic, don’t lock her in your weak epistemology bud because you can’t conserve number.

I wanna go on an Alex Jones rant, but my voice is cracked from nailing (and I do mean NAILING) old Joel Gertner promos. 2015 was like a PG era PPV compared to 2016’s ECW madness. It’s like, everyone in the media this year has managed to get themselves Dudley Boyz levels of heal heat. I missed the directive that stated “You must be this offensive to ride the wave of popular interest.” What’s the deal with Alex Jones anyway? Is he Trump in pale-face? Similar corpulence, passion and self-righteous reforming zeal. If they haven’t offed that dude yet with a targeted heart attack when his cholesterol is probably higher than his follicle count, maybe I’ll have to start doubting the veracity of non-mainstream media?? Maybe they just don’t like Infowars, or maybe they just refuse any further dealing with them after they never got their Survival Shield order. If you want to hide something, hide it with the people that are looking for things.

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